Having Faith means different things to different people and I guess it doesn’t really matter what others believe it to mean, what is most important is what it means to you. Allow me to explain what having faith means to me. If there is one word that has been important to me and my family the last few years, its faith. First I need to take you back and give you some insight into why I’m writing this here today. My family and I, have like most, seen our fair share of struggles but these last few years has brought a multitude of extreamly testing times and for many reasons. I honestly believe if I wrote a book, it would come across too unbelievable regardless of it being the truth! But one of the hardest, most emotionally and spiritually challenging times has been seeing our mum deteriorate from unfortunate health. It’s hard seeing your mum, your strength, your support, your everything, struggle everyday from pain and weakness but it’s even harder when the doctors who you look to for help aren’t prepared to look past the end of their noses when trying to find the cause. In 2013 My mum was saying to the doctors that when she ate it would feel like the food would get stuck in her throat and just sit there. She was also suffering terribly with tummy pain. When the doctors at Musgrove park hospital ran their standard tests and found no answers, they did what I’ve unfortunately often found them to do, start going down the “stress route”, blaming the divorce she was going through at the time. Whilst I’m a big advocate of the terrible consequences of what stress can to do our bodies, I believe that blaming stress simply wasn’t a good enough answer and also blaming it on stress didn’t actually give us any answers on what it was she was suffering from or how to treat it.
Anyway fast forward a couple of years of my mum being terribly unwell, she and her partner at the time found a private gastric specialist in Essex, about 3-4 hours drive from where we live. This doctor instantly knew what was wrong but it would need further tests to conclude what he already thought it was and with a little help from my mums GP she was just about able to get seen on the NHS as opposed to going privately. After some time the specialist doctor told her she had achalasia and this basically meant that the muscles in her throat had stopped working therefore backing up what she had said to the doctors previously. It’s scary when I think about it because these doctors either didn’t have the education or they simply didn’t have the testing for this. Yet, they were happy enough to make out to my mum, sister and I that her symptoms were just in her head and it was all just down to the effects of stress because their outdated tests showed nothing to be wrong. When the ego interferes with their professionalism, the results are literally life threatening. Professional ignorance is real and it’s scary.
Moving on and in 2016, three years later, my mum received her operation to treat the achalasia and thankfully it was a success! Unfortunately because she had gone so long before she was able to receive a diognoses and her operation, it had left her with gastroparisis. A rather crippling gastric condition, yeah, thanks Musgrove Park Hospital for that little treat! (Sorry, I’m not quite over the treatment my mum received and so it can come out in either anger or sarcasm from time to time). It honestly felt like this situation was never going to end but still we continued to have faith and trust. I would pray constantly to God and continually ask my Angels for streangth. By Christmas 2016 my mum was in hospital with a nasal tube, her only form of getting anything inside of her and she also spent almost all of December and January in hospital. Even though she had been unwell for the last few Christmas’s this was the first one, when she wasn’t really there. It was truly heartbreaking as for us, Christmas is our thing, it’s our favourite time of the year and it just wasn’t the same. My mum was definitely at her lowest and the local hospital and doctors were less then helpful in fact they were rude and horrible to her, they don’t believe in gastroparises they would say and didn’t like that she got treated in Essex instead. It sounds unbelievable but unfortunately it’s true. In the early part of 2017 not only was my mum at her lowest but I was running on empty, as I’m sure my sister was too (we both have M.E/Epstein Barr and we were both co-parenting her two boys, who have their own issues, the youngest Potentially Autustic and the eldest potentially Aspergers) I just remember crying a lot, I was exhausted, I felt helpless, I felt as though nobody was listening to us or helping us, it was an incredibly lonely place to be, even though I had my sister and my boyfriend, I felt like I couldn’t share how I was feeling inside with anyone because they were going through the same thing and I didn’t want to add to their burdens. Which I know sounds silly because we could have supported each other but I think we just wanted to be “strong” for one another.
I remember in January and February of 2017, I kept getting messages when I was in the shower, that this year (2017) we would be blessed with miracles. It was uplifting to receive these messages and I most certainly held onto them for encouragement and strength but I’d be lieing if I were to say that there was no part of me that didn’t doubt this a little. At the time it seemed as though there was no way out from this but I knew I had to have faith and trust in these divine messages to ensure the best possible outcome. In April 2017 we celebrated my mums birthday and for the first time in a long time she had dressed up in something other then pyjamas, she had done her hair and make up and though she had the nasal tube in still, she managed to eat a few bits and pieces. This may of not been the first time in all the years she had spent unwell that she had dressed up but there was something different, she looked lighter and more comfortable rather then just putting on a brave and happy face for us, she actually looked happier and healthier. A few days later and whilst changing the tape for her nasal tube, she had accidentally tugged on it, which meant she had to pull it out and remove it all together because if it’s moved too much, it can become dangerous. I started to worry that we would see her decline because she wasn’t able to get any foods in her. I know it should be just a simple trip back to the hospital to get another one put back in but once again Musgrove Park hospital like to make even the simplest things difficult and so it wasn’t that easy. Instead she had the instinct to just leave it out all together, I tried to discourage her from this because I feared this would send her backwards but instead something miraculous happened, she started to improve. Before long we were taking small walks down to the park and going on early summer picnics. I’ll never forget how one evening we all took an evening walk down the back fields of our village, which in the spring and summer months is particularly enchanting and for years I had visualised that one day she would walk with us down there because she loves nature and being surrounded by it too. There we were doing what I had visualised doing with my mum for so long, it was overwhelming. I just remember expressing so much thanks to God and our Angels for helping us get to this point. Not long after that my mum was able to sell a couple of properties that she had received in the divorce and though she had to sell them at below rock bottom price ( my estranged father had run them into the ground whilst the divorce was happening, making them almost un-sellable) but still it afforded us a small amount that seemed like a fortune to us after years of not having very much and we even managed to go on holiday to the Bahamas. It had been ten years since we last had a holiday together! And though financially the Bahamas was extravagant, we didn’t care we had been through many difficult years and we had come to the agreement that we just wanted a couple of weeks in our favourite place together, enjoying the miracles of health, happiness and togetherness that we as a family had been blessed with.
If you had predicted that this time last year by the end of 2017 that our mums health would of drastically improved and I would be sitting on the beach in the Bahamas with my family, I would have probably said, well anything is possible. Things have a way of changing in a matter of minutes and I’ve honestly always believed that but I would have still taken a little more persuading.
Miracles can happen and do happen. I honestly believe that if you keep your faith and the belief that all will come right in the end, sooner or later things will work out. Yes, the times of hardship will still make painful memories but I also believe you can view them as a learning process and you can shape those tough and challenging times to be part of your success story and maybe even help others who are going through similar challenges to feel supported, understood and listened to. I have also learned through this by truly giving my worries to God (or whoever or whatever you belive in) and trusting that the answers will come and show themselves that this way of believing, trusting and having faith really does move the process on quicker. No longer do I spend my time worrying about what I can’t control. Instead I just trust and this in turn leaves me more open to receiving messages of guidance to which I can then act upon in a more intuitive manner, rather then acting from a place of fear and worry.
My tips for remaing full of faith in difficult times and for helping to ensure positive results in challengingly and unjust situations:
- Pray to God and your Angels or speak to the universe, spirit or whatever or wherever your faith lies and ask for help. Ask for guidance, ask for healing and strength and never feel bad about doing so.
- Have unwavering faith and trust that one day this will all make sense and will hopefully be an integral part of your life’s purpose one way or another, no matter how difficult or challenging the situation is.
- Belive that there is always light at the end of a dark tunnel.
- Visualise the outcome you need and want as much as you can, it will contribute hugely to the outcome. I used to visualise my family and I going to the Bahamas almost every night and though it seemed like a far off fantasy to me at the time, last year it came true.
- Every time you worry, recognise it and turn it into prayer or a positive affirmation.
- Work with crystals
- Take time to do things you enjoy in times of hardship, you need to look after you to ensure you can be there for others. This will also keep your spirit up.
These are are just my tips, thoughts and opinions,
These last few years at worst, have been some of the hardest years of my life but at best they have been miraculous and enlightening. Though I am still learning to accept the good things that have happened to us, ( I know that might sound odd but I’ll go into that another time) I feel that it is now onwards and upwards from here on out. Or at least that’s what I’m praying for. I wanted to share this for a few reasons, I guess in some ways it’s therapeutic to say it virtually aloud but more then that I hope it reaches others in their time of need and brings them a sense of faith and hope with the reassurance that miracles can and do happen even when it seems a million miles away.
If you know of anyone who might benefit from reading this then please feel free to share it. If you have any thoughts or questions you’d like to share with me, then please do so in the comment section below.
Wishing you an abundance of love, light and healing, now and always.
My mum and I on our walk.