Incase anyone is reading this, sorry for the long pause on my blogposts, I’ve been going through some pretty big life changes and I had to prioritise my Time. But I’m hoping that I can get my spiritual quest back on track again because I’ve sincerely missed this. Because it feels like a long time since I last made a post, I then had to decide what I should post about next. I wasn’t lacking ideas, I just got a little overwhelmed with what to write/blog about first! I think if I’m honest my ego got in the way a little, I kind of wanted it to be perfect and that’s definitely my ego speaking.
Whilst I want this blog to be a voice for my spiritual way of life, that doesn’t always mean crystal and angel talk. It can mean talking about things that matter to me, things I would like to help change in this world, things that I’m observing and learning from in life. Because sharing some of these things may help or enlighten others.
In the last few months, I have found myself in some toxic situations/toxic people and people who I mistakenly thought I was a lot closer to. I have found myself in a position where I have been very unfairly judged. The hurt and pain I felt from these situations is still something I am working through but I am getting there.
See at the end of last year my boyfriend and I went through something tragic and I told myself that not only will I survive through this but I will thrive, I know this sounds dramatic but it was the mentality that I had to have! I’ve worked on myself Spiritually harder then ever this year because there were changes I knew I had
to make. I didn’t talk openly to anyone about this other then my mum and boyfriend and even then, it was kept to a minimum. I figured talk is cheap and I didn’t want to talk about the inner changes that I needed to make, I simply wanted to be them. I’ve always criticized others for when they are all words and no action and so I had to hold myself accountable in the same way.
Since the beginning of this year I can say that I’m happy and proud of the progress I’ve made and I mean that in a humble way, a way of self care, self worth and self love, which is different to ego self worth. The reason I talk about my
for lack of a different word, “journey” is because when I was faced with the unjust judgment of others recently, it was an intensely testing situation and it’s so upsetting when i’ve gone through something difficult (and that’s putting it lightly), worked hard on myself to become a better person and then to only find out that people I thought knew me and had my best interests at heart, the same way I have theirs try and bring me down through their own warped perceptions of me.
For many years I have looked at myself as honestly as I can in an attempt to recognise any false ideas I may have of myself. See, my father is a complete narcissist and he never sees himself as doing wrong, the blame is always with others and so that has left me very self conscious about making sure that I can have a truthful conversation with myself. I’m not trying to be perfect, i’m just hoping that I can keep who I am and what I stand for in check. I’m sure there is still some acknowledgment I need to make and accept about myself and I’m definitely still a working progress but what I’m trying to get across is that I believe myself to be quite self aware.
In the past when someone would put me or my character down I would instantly take it on and presume they must be right, I’d start to feel guilty, like I must have done wrong and sometimes apologise and take responsibility for either an easy life or because I trusted their opinion and perception more so then my own. Now I feel far more confident with my intuition and understanding on situations.
During these last couple of months I have come to believe that I can’t let the insecurities of others dull my inner light and love. I can only speculate that what pushes people to act in the way that they do. Jealousy maybe, insecurity probably definitely and a disconnect with themselves and their soul purpose almost certainly. Please remember that putting others down will never make you a better person! It might feel like that is does but it won’t in the grand scheme of things.
Also remember that some people will convince themselves of a reality that is so far removed that they will try and convince you of the same but if your intuition is telling you differently then trust that, do not doubt yourself. Be careful they aren’t mirroring themselves and putting that reflection on to you as a way to avoid responsibility.
Just stay true to you and your inner love and light.
< YOU COULD ALWAYS GIVE ME A LITTLE FOLLOW ON >